Here is the short version of my story, I’ve been trying to work up the courage to write it, but may never be ready, so here goes nothing...
Saturday June 7th was the last time I felt my baby kick. I have a home doppler and tried, unsuccessfully, to find my baby’s heart beat for 4 days. I was 20 weeks 3 days by the time I got in to see my dr to check on baby. The nurse checked for the heart beat and couldn't find one. She then had my OB come in to try, and she was also not successful. I then headed to ultrasound to receive the words that would forever change my life, “I'm so sorry, but there is no heart beat.” My baby had passed away a few days prior.
After the blur of the ultrasound, we went to have a discussion with my OB as to which steps to take from there. I chose to labor my son and deliver him so I could see him, hold him and give him a funeral. I checked into the hospital 3 hours later and began my 19 hour labor to deliver my sleeping angel, Grayson Scott, born 6/14/14 at 3:30 pm. He was 5.1 oz and 7.5 inches long. He was perfect.
I held him, kissed him as much as I could, talked to him, slept with him, dressed him, swaddled him, all the things any mother would do with her newborn baby. I was discharged from the hospital 2 days later, with my stillborn baby in my arms, as the hospital claimed he was only tissue, I signed a waver to have my “tissue’ released to me and that I would “dispose” of “it” properly.
We headed straight to the funeral home, where we had set up arrangements to have a beautiful funeral for my beautiful son born too soon. I put my baby in his casket and he left my arms for the last time.
The following Wednesday, June 18th, we arrived at the funeral home to add some things to the casket before it was sealed indefinitely. He was too small to do any preservation on his body, and felt a closed casket was appropriate. I said goodbye to my son's physical body for the last time.
The funeral was the next day, Thursday June 19th, and it was perfect! We had so much support from friends and family, and buried Grayson next to his infant uncle, my brother, who died from SIDS in 1986. There my baby Grayson rests, and will forever stay.
Rest in peace my son, until we meet again in Heaven. I love you so much!