Mother’s Day is such a bittersweet day in the infant loss community. I say community because that’s what we are—a banded group of people who have walked in each other’s shoes. Sometimes we keep it to ourselves that this day may be sad. Sometimes we shout it out loud. Sometimes people are shocked that Mother’s Day of all days could be a trigger for our PTSD—the pain of having one of our children gone.
On the first Mother’s Day after Macy died, I received many sweet and heartwarming messages, more than I had ever before as a mom, and likely more than I ever will. Most of these were rather simple, only “Happy Mother’s Day”, but I understood the message behind it: we are thinking of you and we are thinking of Macy and we share in your grief and joy in missing her.
The very fact that these friends and relatives thought of me was solace in itself.
This Mother’s Day I decided to do something different. However, being a Mom, other things got in the way and I’m a bit late so I will have to improvise, a skill I’m very familiar with. My initial thought approaching Macy’s fifth birthday last January was to send cards, perhaps with those paper seed packets that you can plant. Then I realized that not everyone may want to see those birthday cards, may not feel the same sentiment (obviously) that I did about what would have been a milestone birthday for my second daughter. So this week I decided I would send Mother’s Day cards to all the special mothers in my life who either supported me during my pregnancy with Macy, or who have reminded me in some special way or another what the joy of being a Mom is all about. Since I have been very busy this week, I am too late to send cards via snail mail. Instead, I will be sending them via the internet ether so they will get there in time.
This Mother’s Day I invite you to send a little note or card to those mothers in your life who have helped you through your journey. Or if you know someone whose baby has died, don’t feel afraid to send them a text, note, email, voice message just to let them know you are thinking of them.
It doesn’t replace the warmth of their little one, but a little love goes a long way. Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers out there, and most especially to those of us with empty arms. <3
MELANIE TIOLECO-CHENG | MAY 11, 2014
Please feel free to use our greeting cards to reach out to the mothers in your life. Print, email, post on Facebook, use however you like.